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I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.The biggest lie I tell myself is...”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet... Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there. .. and under Lily Granger's cool exterior, is a fucking hot little passion flower. I'd bet on it!"Cindy Bradley was naked and lying on the satin spread which covered their king-sized bed. She had her beautiful tanned legs spread in a wanton inviting pose, exposing the softly palpitating lips of her naked cunt so tantalizingly framed by pale golden pubic hair. She was given to nude sunbathing and so her tan was full and complete, no bands of white at her hips or across her chest; her breasts, firm and voluptuous, stood like twin majestic mountains on her chest, demanding to be climbed, eager for sucking and licking, their berry-sized crests already hard and quivering with anticipation."Of course," she added confidently, "old talent scouts like us are never far wrong." And husband and wife laughed together in lascivious conspiracy.Long ago they had switched to a "swinging" life style when their marriage had become dull and routine. And Carl took pride in the fact that Cindy was always.
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